Still I Stand

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his
hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was
getting on in years. The farmer figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local
rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn yard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he
gets a little worried.

"So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster. "I've
got to do something about this."

He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in
town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well
I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the
better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around
that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and
whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely
thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on,"
said the young rooster. "and since I know I'm so great, I'll even
give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race
with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and
all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap,
the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second
lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still
hanging in there.

Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time
around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the
young rooster. By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He
runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn
yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he
gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen
house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.

He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the
young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself,

"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Love All, Trust A Few, Do Wrong To None.

Some misconceptions about black folks






1. BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T PATRIOTIC- That is so wrong. Black folks are some of the most patriotic A-merry-cans. Trust me, I know, I have been in quite a few knock down drag out fights with my A-merry-can brothers and sisters about my patriotism, because I happen to have been born outside of the country. Black folks love this country. If they didn't, they would have burned it down a long time ago.




2. BLACK PEOPLE ALWAYS AGREE WITH EACH OTHER- Nothing could be farther from the truth. Black folks love to argue and fight more than any other group. We don't ever agree on shit. Don't believe me? Put a bunch of black folks in a room and watch them try to come together around a common goal. Talk about "herding cats."




3. BLACK FOLKS ARE SOFT ON CRIME- This is for my colleague. I hope he is reading the blog tonight as well. Any trial lawyer who practices cases in urban areas knows this: Black folks tend to be actually tougher on criminals, because we are more often than not the victims of crimes committed by some of the people in our own neighborhoods. Sadly, the white man's grass is always greener mind set doesn't extend to the criminals among us. To them, our grass is the only one worth taking. So we have no love for that element among our people.




4. BLACK PEOPLE ARE VERY RELIGIOUS- Wrong! Black people love to go to church, but we are not very religious. We will go to church and talk shit about who is wearing what, and about what the pastor talked about in his sermon. But I honestly think that it's a small number of folks in the church who are really religious, or at least trying to be.




5. BLACK FOLKS ALL LOOK ALIKE- Come on now. Look at Flava Flav, and look at Denzel Washington and tell me if you still think that shit is true.




6. BLACK PEOPLE LOVE THEIR CARS MORE THAN THEIR HOUSES. Nope, that's a myth too. We black people just use our cars a a *crutch(thanks PFABA) because we can't get a nice house to live in. I bet if we had nice houses like white folks we would love our houses too. But our credit is fucked up and we can't come up with the $20,000 down payment for a house, so we invest what little money we do have into our cars.




7. BLACK PEOPLE ARE LAZY-Wrong wrong wrong. Black people have no incentive to work because we don't own shit. We figure we are working to make someone else rich, and we are always going to get paid just enough to keep the company profitable. It's why so many black folks work for the post office. We figure if we are going to work, it might as well be for a someone we pay taxes to. At least we can say we own some of the federal government, and we know that if it's not profitable they won't fire our asses.




8. BLACK PEOPLE ALWAYS VOTE FOR THE BLACK CANDIDATE NO MATTER WHAT-Myth! Black people will vote for the black candidate if he is a democratic candidate. Just ask Michael Steele, and Alan Keys if they think black people always vote for the black candidate. A white democrat will beat a black republican in a black neighborhood every time. It's not about race, it's about party.




9. BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT ADVENTUROUS-Myth! When you are black every day is a fucking adventure. So we don't have to go searching for shit like bungee jumping, and sky diving to get an adrenalin rush. Just walking home from the bus stop is adventure enough for most black folks.




10. BLACK PEOPLE DON'T TIP-This is one of those self fulfilling prophecy deals. If you, the waiter, dumb down your service when you see black folks because you think they won't tip you, guess what's going to happen? You guessed it; bad service, low tip.

Things We Used To Do

“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.”

25 Signs You Have Grown Up ... ... Old!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and breakup.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as dressed up.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diets… Instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer pretty good shit.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking , ”Oh shit what the hell happened??”

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.