Still I Stand

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his
hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was
getting on in years. The farmer figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local
rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn yard.
Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he
gets a little worried.

"So, they're trying to replace me," thinks the old rooster. "I've
got to do something about this."

He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in
town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well
I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the
better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around
that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and
whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely
thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on,"
said the young rooster. "and since I know I'm so great, I'll even
give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy."

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race
with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begins and
all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap,
the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second
lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still
hanging in there.

Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time
around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the
young rooster. By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He
runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn
yard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he
gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen
house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.

He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the
young rooster away. As he walks away slowly, he says to himself,

"Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Who Delivers The Mailman's Mail?

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Seven U.S. Postal Service workers in Puerto Rico have been indicted on charges they shipped thousands of parcels of heroin, cocaine and marijuana through the mail, the Drug Enforcement Administration said Wednesday.
The mail carriers, who are among 20 people charged in the case, took advantage of their jobs to ship drugs between Puerto Rico, Texas, California and Arizona, according to a DEA statement.

As a U.S. territory, Puerto Rico is a favored transit point for drugs from South America because once they arrive in this Caribbean island, they do not have to clear customs to reach the American mainland.
Agents from the DEA and the postal service's Office of Inspector General were executing arrest warrants for the defendants in pre-dawn raids around the San Juan metropolitan area.

The DEA investigation, named Operation Dirty Eagles, involved undercover agents who hired the mail carriers to ship parcels purportedly containing cocaine and heroin, according to the statement. The trafficking ring allegedly smuggled at least 100,000 pounds (45,000 kilograms) of marijuana worth more than $150 million into Puerto Rico over the last three years.

The mail carriers also are accused of facilitating the shipment of guns from the U.S. mainland to Puerto Rico.

Louie Ranking aka "OX"

Louie Rankin (b. Leonard Ford) was born in St. Thomas, Jamaica even though he was brought up in Rockfort, Warika Hill and finally East Kingston. Musically he is perhaps best known for the crossover hit »Typewriter« released in the early 90's. He has been an active deejay since the early 80's though with noticeable singles such as »Vibes Inna Me« that was featured on the Tidal Wave album comprised by Nicodemus, Louie himself, Bobby Culture and Brimstone & Fire.

L. Rankin has also found success as an actor in the movies Shottas and Belly. The latter directed by Hype Williams and also Louie's film debut. He is probably the only reggae artist to be a member of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG). Louie Rankin often refers to himself as the Original Don Dada.

25 Signs You Have Grown Up ... ... Old!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and breakup.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as dressed up.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diets… Instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer pretty good shit.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking , ”Oh shit what the hell happened??”

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.

Eish! A New African Language

Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom Beds -,eagles, doves, sea-gulls etc Beg - container, as in shopping beg, hend-beg, tog-beg Ben - to set alight Chealdren - our future is in their hands Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays Cuds - you can play poker or rummy with them Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle Debben - city in KwaZulu Natal Deekshunry - where you find weds Detty - opposite of clean Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all off Ebben - you get ebben erriors and rural erriors Effrican - from the continent of Africa Erriors - districts, e.g. ebben erriors Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair, Lufthansa etc Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American Fest - the one before second and third Fok - used with nifes Fok ass - focus Fum - you can fum with ship or kettle Fumma - he owns the fum and grows bins Guddin - where you grow kebbijees and rep Geave - you MUST geave, I WILL take Get - a hinged device in a fence, may be used instead of door Hair - as opposed to heem/hairs (gender) Heppi - state of elatement, e.g. I'm so heppi - I just voted Hiss - masculine form of hairs Hubba - where sheeps dock amd boats sell Jems - little bugs that give you the flu Kah - what you drive around in Kebbijees - vegetable Keptown - some think parliament doesn't belong there Kettegry - in a system of classification Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper Kleenix - where nesses wek Kot - where the judges sit and you pay fines Len - to acquire knowledge Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, Obama the president Lungwich - weds that are spokkin Nesses - they wek in kleenix and hospitals Pee pull - powa to da pee pull Peppa - one way to get the news Pesson - one of pee pull Pees - symbolised by white dove Pees-Tox - between IRA and Tony Blair Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Mississippi Ree kwest - replaced by dee mands Sheep - big boat Shex - houses in squatter camps Ship - provider of wool Shuck-attak - if the shuck-net is brokkin Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweemas Spitch - what politicians make at a relly Sweemas - compete in a sweeming pul Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot day Tipic ally - characteristically Tox - negotiations Ummy - military force Wee men - ladies We pon - a gun Wean-dow - with glus for throwing bricks through Weaner - the one with the most votes Weds - what the dictionary is made up of Wekkas - do the wek Weld - the whole eth Wems - small crawly creatures

2 In The Morning

I smoke two joints in the morning,
I smoke two joints at night.
I smoke two joints in the afternoon,
And it makes me feel alright.
Smoke two joints in time of peace,
Into the time of war.
Smoke two joints before I smoke two joints,
And then I smoke some more.....

American Pimp .... A Hughes Brothers Production

I've always had a guilty curiosity about the life of a pimp. Of course, we have those "pimp stereotypes" in films like "The Mack" and "Willie Dynamite." But do we really, really know ALL about this lucrative, though immoral, profession? Thanks to the Hughes Brothers, now we do.

First of all, this well-made documentary doesn't glorify the life of street pimps. I'm sure a lot of you out there (especially women) will take one look at a film like this, and say to yourself, "Why the hell do I want to watch a movie about greedy, heartless, misogynistic 'mack daddies' who make a living at degrading women for their own financial pleasure?" The Hughes Brothers don't try to take sides. In fact, the film opens with a montage of opinions (mostly negative) from everyday people about these pimps. Whether you condone the industry or condemn it, that's not the issue.

Allen and Albert Hughes do a wonderful job at intercutting the views and "days in the lives" of real pimps with clips from seventies blaxploitation flicks and topping it off with a vivid soundtrack filled with classic soul music. The film starts out by showing the more luxurious, darkly comic side of pimping. It's interesting to learn what real pimps really have to say. Of course, their vocabularies practically consist of three words: "ni**a," "motherf**ker" and "b**ch." But hey, that's how they talk. Am I going to blame the Hughes Brothers for writing an excessively profane script? They didn't write a script! This is how these pimps really talk!

As the film goes on, we learn the more serious side of pimping. We learn the pimping REALLY ain't easy. But at the same time, they're not completely heartless. When one of their "hos" die or get sucked into drug addiction, they can't go on with their lives like nothing happened. And it's interesting to see how different pimps took different paths. Some decided to quit the business and concentrate on raising their families, some ended up in the penitentiary and some (believe it or not) found religion. But some still feel that pimping is the way to go, and though it's immoral, they don't necessarily think it's wrong. We even get a brief introduction into the lives of "legal pimps." You know, those clean-cut white guys with the fancy whorehouses with quality hookers who will do anything they please for a large sum of money.

Expect to see gratuitous close-ups of female rear ends. At times, you feel as if you're watching a 2 Live Crew video. This is another film that I can consider a feminist's nightmare. Nevertheless, it's wonderfully done, eye-catching, compelling, funny and sometimes heartfelt. The Hughes meant to explore the subject without patronizing it. And I found it quite fascinating. If there happened to be a filmmaker who explored the world of pimping before these guys, then let me know. Until then, I give Allen and Albert two thumbs up for taking on daring subject matter involving an underworld of people often overlooked--or broadly portrayed--by the average filmmaker.

Be Wary Of Fal$e Prophets!

Remember this chick? Ms Cleo, the tarot card, crystal ball, 1-800 fortune telling, tele-scammer?

How many of you minkeys n monkeys actually called this number? ….. Yeah Right!?!

Truth be told we all knew she was a scam and so did she. But you know what, a hell of a lot of people “believed” in her n $he cashed in…. She knew and we knew but she damned conventional thought and wisdom! She marketed a lie in the form of hope and people believed. I know there are others like me who at one point thought about calling her at 3.28am on a Sunday, not because I was wasted, but just to see .....

My question to you is this. Are you telling the lies or are you listening?

Traffic On The Capitol Beltway...

An article in today's Washington Post caught my eye with its description of an incident of road rage I would have thought more likely tho show up in a movie.

According to the report, the driver of one car: “Threw open the door of his silver Jaguar on the shoulder of southbound Interstate 95 in Prince William County and fired 13 shots at a dump truck, terrifying Tuesday evening commuters, Virginia State Police said.

The two drivers “drove recklessly and in a rage down a four-mile stretch of highway.”

But gunfire?

I’m sure most of us who drive have been angered by other motorists. A driver who cuts you off, who zips past at great speed only to pull in front of you and slow down, a tailgater, and on and on. But as drivers, aren’t we supposed to stay calm and in control?

Six In The Morning

Men love strip clubs! If there is something I have learned in life, it's that there is no easier way to get a smile out of a man than by mentioning strip joints or strippers. We love to discuss whom we saw and what we did. It's a private world that men relish and women fear.

We come creeping into the house at 6:00am, quiet as a mouse, trying our best to remain inconspicuous. The last thing you want is a confrontation -- especially since you pumped a few beers into your system.

But no matter how quiet you thought you were being, on go the lights and there's your woman, staring at you as though she's expecting the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

"Where were you? You were at that strip bar with Dj Jesus, weren't you? I've always hated that stupid Neanderthal. So did you like all those breasts? How can you disrespect me like that?"

And now you have to spend the rest of the night assuring her that you were just having fun with the boys.

WHY IS SHE SO MAD?

So what is it about strip joints that tick women off so much? Well, for starters, let's place you in your woman's shoes and vice versa. If your woman went out to male strip joints with all her girlfriends and came home somewhat liquored up, wouldn't you have a tingly feeling more commonly known as jealousy rushing through your body? Wouldn't you wonder if she did some fondling, or how many penises were being waved in her face?

Besides that, some women begin feeling insecure because they figure that if you have a pair of breasts to fondle at home, then why would you need to go somewhere and ogle other women? I know, it's not like that, but hey, just because we're the most civilized species, that doesn't always mean things will make perfect sense.

Most women question their men’s need to go to a strip club. “Why do they want to look at other women? Am I not pretty enough?” Most men want to go because of the atmosphere. It is a mix of a dance club and sports bar with girls walking around in costumes. It is a different mix of atmospheres that you cannot find anywhere but a strip club. It is relaxed enough that you can sit back, talk with your friends, and still have music and entertainment. Some men do not even talk to or watch the strippers when they go. They sit and talk with each other and turn away any dancers that approach. I have seen it more times than I can count. You would also be surprised at the amount of couples that go to strip clubs.

Do what I did. Buy a pole!

I Wish U Pestilence, Disease n Bad Health!

As we all know by now, Pastor Pat Robertson made some unusual observations about the earthquake that struck Haiti on his CBN newscast Wednesday, January 13, 2010.He called the quake a possible blessing in disguise. The esteemed Reverend also quipped that the Haitian people are cursed.

In addition people around the world were dumbfounded and angry at Pat Robertson after he said the tragedy would give the people of Haiti a chance to "rebuild".

Now I usually Steer Clear Of Religion But Fuck That!

Naija Rules

In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves;

They took it out to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;

Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves;

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen!!