Thursday, May 24, 2012
For He Shall Not Be Disappointed.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Unnecessary Lines: Under Certain Circumstances, Profanity Provides A Relief Denied Even To Prayer.

Whether you’re first or last, you will be in the seat that is assigned to you. So why is it that everyone has to get up and start huddling towards the gate entrance like its the day after Thanksgiving? This is specifically towards the “senior citizens”. They are usually cane-walking their way to form a line at the gate 15 minutes before the airline even announces they are ready to board. And if I make even the slightest movement in their direction I get a death stare through tinted glasses telling me to back off or die. All I can think about is how easy it would be to give one swift kick to the knee and the old man would collapse. I would never actually do this, but I’m just pointing out the fact that the possibility is there.
So now I’m waiting to board behind a giant huddle of old people and I begin to do a scan of the passengers I will be riding with. I first look for potential disaster passengers such as crying babies or sick people. Then it goes to uncomfortable passengers such as someone with obvious bad hygiene. And lastly is the most important scan: are there any hot chicks? Not that it actually matters because the chances of her sitting by me are slim, but there’s nothing else to do while waiting so I might as well make it interesting.
First the lady with the crying baby walks by. Thankfully she isn’t sitting by me but if she was, I don’t think it would be a problem for long. I don’t know this from experience, but I heard if you shake a baby long enough it stops crying. Don’t know if its true but it seems logical. Next the sick patient walks by. Once again I am grateful this passenger moves along. In these situations your best bet is to mention something about how you worship Satan or let something about a herpes outbreak slip under your breath. They’re essentially guaranteed to not interact with you the entire flight. And then the hot chick starts approaching. Its almost like she is holding up a sign that I can’t quite read until she gets to my row and the words “DENIED” are written on it. I mean come on, is it that much to ask to sit next to someone appealing for once? Maybe its a hot chick. Maybe she has a low cut shirt on. Maybe she laughs at my jokes. I don’t ask for much. But no, the hot chick moves on and who should sit down next to me but a “senior citizen”. I should have gone for the knee, after all...
At this point you are probably wondering why I don’t just read a book or listen to my iPod on the plane. Believe me, I do listen to my iPod, or read a book, or even watch a movie. I’m just saying if I’m going to be stuck in the same seat for 3 hours sitting next to someone else who is stuck in their seat for 3 hours, why not make the trip go by a little faster by having a decent conversation. And by “decent” I don’t mean listening to someone else’s problems or learning about their life story.
Just something simple and interesting like sports or a good movie. Who knows, maybe no one wants to talk about sports or good movies or maybe I’m just the asshole that no one wants to talk to on the plane. But if that’s the case then they can piss off.
The plane takes off, I read my book and eventually the stress relieving voice of the pilot comes on and announces we are beginning our descent. This is great news in knowing that the ride is almost over, but also bad news because I know what is about to come next. Sure enough the plane lands and who would have thought the day after Thanksgiving rush could come twice in the same day. Seriously, sit the fuck down. We are all going to get off the plane and I’m guessing it will happen even quicker if we don’t herd ourselves into the aisle. I mean obviously we all need to rush off and get to baggage claim so we can wait there for 15 minutes instead of in the plane. But in a situation like this, who has the time to be rational?
In the end I’m still going to have to fly more no matter what. I guess the best I can do is be prepared with fresh reading material and the latest podcasts. And maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it really is. But I’m not going to admit that because that would mean that I am wrong. And I am never wrong.
Monday, November 29, 2010
“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…”
After dropping five passes in Sunday’s 19-16 loss to the Steelers, Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson blamed an odd culprit for his struggles. Johnson tweeted after the game:
“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…”
Johnson did manage to record seven catches but dropped a 40-yard pass in the end zone in overtime that would have given the Bills their third consecutive win.
The third-year receiver leads the Bills with 59 receptions, 796 receiving yards and nine touchdowns. Last week, Johnson had a career-high three touchdowns against the Bengals and celebrated by showing off his undershirt that quoted The Joker, reading “Why so serious?”
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
2 In The Morning
I smoke two joints at night.
I smoke two joints in the afternoon,
And it makes me feel alright.
Smoke two joints in time of peace,
Into the time of war.
Smoke two joints before I smoke two joints,
And then I smoke some more.....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Diana Princess Of Wales

July 1st 1961 – August 31st 1997
Born Diana Spencer on July 1st, 1961, near Sandringham, England. Diana, Princess of Wales, was one of the most adored members of the British royal family. She was the daughter of Edward John Spencer, Viscount Althorp, and Frances Ruth Burke Roche, Viscountess Althorp (later known as the Honorable Frances Shand Kydd). Her parents divorced when Diana was young, and her father won custody of her and her siblings. She was educated first at Riddlesworth Hall and then went to boarding school at West Heath School.
She became Lady Diana Spencer after her father inherited the title of Earl Spencer in 1975. Although she was known for her shyness growing up, she did show an interest in music and dancing. Diana also had a great fondness for children. After attending finishing school at the Institut Alpin Videmanette in Switzerland, she moved to London. She began working with children, eventually becoming a kindergarten teacher at the Young England School.
Diana was no stranger to the British royal family, having reportedly played with Prince Andrew and Prince Edward as a child while her family rented Park House, an estate owned by Queen Elizabeth II. In 1977, she became reacquainted with their older brother, Prince Charles, who was 13 years her senior.
As the heir to the British throne, Prince Charles was usually the subject of media attention and his courtship of Diana was no exception. The press and the public were fascinated by this seemingly odd couple — the reserved, garden-loving prince and the shy young woman with an interest in fashion and popular culture. When the couple married on July 29, 1981, the ceremony was broadcast on television around the world, with millions of people tuning in to see what many considered to be the wedding of the century.
On June 21, 1982, Diana and Charles had their first child: Prince William Arthur Philip Louis. He was joined by a brother, Prince Henry Charles Albert David — known widely as "Prince Harry" — more than two years later on September 15, 1984. Initially overwhelmed by her royal duties and the intense media coverage of nearly every aspect of her life, she began to develop and pursue her own interests. Diana served a strong supporter of many charities and worked to help the homeless, people living with HIV and AIDS, and children in need.

In July 1993 Diana travelled to Zimbabwe in southern Africa. She was there on behalf of the British Red Cross, Help the Aged and the Leprosy Mission, all for whom she is a patron, visiting various health projects.
During the trip Diana visited Aids victims, leprosy missions, young disabled schoolchildren and the old, often on the verge of tears. A couple of days before the trip Diana's grandmother, Lady Fermoy died, but the trip went on. She and her party all flew economy class to save money.

Unfortunately, the fairy tale wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles did not lead to a happily-ever-after marriage. The two became estranged over the years, and there were reports of infidelities from both parties. During their union, Diana struggled with depression and bulimia. The couple's separation was announced in December 1992 by British Prime Minister John Major, who read a statement from the royal family to the House of Commons. The divorce was finalized in 1996.
Even after the divorce, Diana maintained a high level of popularity. She devoted herself to her sons and to such charitable efforts as the battle against the use of land mines. Diana used her international celebrity to help raise awareness about this issue. She also continued to experience the negative aspects of fame — her 1997 romance with Egyptian film producer and playboy Dodi Al-Fayed caused quite a stir and created a media frenzy. While visiting Paris, the couple was involved in a car crash after trying to escape from the paparazzi on the night of August 30, 1997
Diana initially survived the crash, but later succumbed to her injuries at a Paris hospital a few hours later. Al-Fayed and the driver were also killed, and a bodyguard was seriously injured. French authorities investigated the crash and the driver was found to have a high level of alcohol in his system at the time of the accident. The role of the pursuing photographers in the tragedy was also scrutinized.
News of her sudden, senseless death shocked the world. Thousands turned out to pay tribute to the "people's princess" during her funeral procession. The funeral was held at Westminister Abbey, which was broadcast on television. Her body was later buried at her family's estate, Althorp.
In 2007, marking the tenth anniversary of her death, her sons, Princes William and Harry, honored their beloved mother with a special concert to be held on what would have been her 46th birthday. The proceeds of the event went to charities supported by Diana and her sons.
Continuing her charitable efforts is the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fund. Established after her death, the fund provides grants to numerous organizations and supports initiatives to provide care to the sick in Africa, help refugees, and stop the use of land mines.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
"Fighting Shirley Chisholm. Unbought and Unbossed."

Shirley Chisholm was born as Shirley Anita St. Hill on Nov. 30, 1924, in New York City to Barbadian parents.
At age three, Chisholm was sent to Barbados to live with her maternal grandmother, Emaline Seale, in Christ Church Barbados. She did not return until roughly seven years later when she arrived in New York City on May 19, 1934 aboard the S.S. Narissa. In her 1970 autobiography Unbought and Unbossed, she wrote: "Years later I would know what an important gift my parents had given me by seeing to it that I had my early education in the strict, traditional, British -style schools of Barbados. If I speak and write easily now, that early education is the main reason.”
Chisholm earned her BA from Brooklyn College in 1946 and later earned her MA from Columbia University in elementary education in 1952. She was a member of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority.
In 1949, she married Conrad Chisholm, a Jamaican who worked as a private investigator. Shirley and her husband participated in local politics, helping form the Bedford-Stuyvesant political League. In addition to participating in politics, Chisholm worked in the field of day care until 1959. In 1960, she started the Unity Democratic Club. The Unity Club was instrumental in mobilizing black and Hispanic voters.
In 1964 Chisholm ran for a state assembly seat. She won and served in the New York General Assembly from 1964 to 1968. During her tenure in the legislature, she proposed a bill to provide state aid to day-care centers and voted to increase funding for schools on a per-pupil basis. In 1968, after finishing her term in the legislature, Chisholm campaigned to represent New York's Twelfth Congressional District. Her campaign slogan was "Fighting Shirley Chisholm--Unbought and Unbossed." She won the election and became the first African American woman elected to Congress.
During her first term in Congress, Chisholm hired an all-female staff and spoke out for civil rights, women's rights, the poor and against the Vietnam War. In 1970, she was elected to a second term. She was a sought-after public speaker and cofounder of the National Organization for Women (NOW). She remarked that, "Women in this country must become revolutionaries. We must refuse to accept the old, the traditional roles and stereotypes."
On January 25, 1972, Chisholm announced her candidacy for president. She stood before the cameras and in the beginning of her speech she said,
"I stand before you today as a candidate for the Democratic nomination for the Presidency of the United States. I am not the candidate of black America, although I am black and proud. I am not the candidate of the women's movement of this country, although I am a woman, and I am equally proud of that. I am not the candidate of any political bosses or special interests. I am the candidate of the people."
The 1972 Democratic National Convention in Miami was the first major convention in which any woman was considered for the presidential nomination. Although she did not win the nomination, she received 151 of the delegates' votes. She continued to serve in the House of Representatives until 1982. She retired from politics after her last term in office. She has received many honorary degrees, and her awards include Alumna of the Year, Brooklyn College; Key Woman of the Year; Outstanding Work in the Field of Child Welfare; and Woman of Achievement.
Shirley Chisholm passed away on January 1, 2005.
Philonious Instructions.
- PhiloniousTee
- GERMANTOWN, MD, United States
- Felonious Intent: Pertaining To, Of The Nature Of Or Involving A Felony ...
