Good People, Do Not Marry Each Other / Zviuya, Hazviwanani

If you want to have a blissful relationship, don’t ruin the chances by introducing things into your relationship until you are ready for it. Things like sex and your sex-history can make or break it for you; Choose wisely ...

The average person has ten sexual partners before they are married. They either think each partner is “the one” or they think sex is so wonderful they don’t want to miss out on the opportunity. Sex is indeed wonderful and very special and saving it for the wedding night is treating it as something special. Sharing it with practically everyone you date makes it rather ordinary.

Here are just a few of the emotional problems sex can cause:

-When you sleep with someone you aren’t married to, they begin to get concerned with how many other people you have slept with.
-One has a tendency to compare themselves with their mate’s previous conquests. Since sexual relationships were designed for couples, your mind naturally begins pushing the relationship further along than where you might be.
-If you are willing to have sex with someone/anyone, will you feel the same after? Not just about them but yourself too ...
-You might not even know the person you are sleeping with but you start forming an emotional attachment to them. Many couples who really shouldn’t be together are married because a sexual relationship “bonded” them together when they wouldn’t have bonded without being physically intimate.

Then there are those who are just looking for 'It', whatever it is. 

Louie Ranking aka "OX"

Louie Rankin (b. Leonard Ford) was born in St. Thomas, Jamaica even though he was brought up in Rockfort, Warika Hill and finally East Kingston. Musically he is perhaps best known for the crossover hit »Typewriter« released in the early 90's. He has been an active deejay since the early 80's though with noticeable singles such as »Vibes Inna Me« that was featured on the Tidal Wave album comprised by Nicodemus, Louie himself, Bobby Culture and Brimstone & Fire.

L. Rankin has also found success as an actor in the movies Shottas and Belly. The latter directed by Hype Williams and also Louie's film debut. He is probably the only reggae artist to be a member of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG). Louie Rankin often refers to himself as the Original Don Dada.

Things We Used To Do

“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.”

25 Signs You Have Grown Up ... ... Old!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 a.m is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and breakup.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as dressed up.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diets… Instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer pretty good shit.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”

23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking , ”Oh shit what the hell happened??”

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.

Eish! A New African Language

Bad - you sleep on it in the badroom Beds -,eagles, doves, sea-gulls etc Beg - container, as in shopping beg, hend-beg, tog-beg Ben - to set alight Chealdren - our future is in their hands Chetz - where worshippers go on Sundays Cuds - you can play poker or rummy with them Cut - a small donkey-drawn vehicle Debben - city in KwaZulu Natal Deekshunry - where you find weds Detty - opposite of clean Driva - holds the steering wheel of a teksi Duck - very duck at night when the lights are all off Ebben - you get ebben erriors and rural erriors Effrican - from the continent of Africa Erriors - districts, e.g. ebben erriors Ewways - eg. SAA, Comair, Lufthansa etc Fems - companies, e.g., Anglo-American Fest - the one before second and third Fok - used with nifes Fok ass - focus Fum - you can fum with ship or kettle Fumma - he owns the fum and grows bins Guddin - where you grow kebbijees and rep Geave - you MUST geave, I WILL take Get - a hinged device in a fence, may be used instead of door Hair - as opposed to heem/hairs (gender) Heppi - state of elatement, e.g. I'm so heppi - I just voted Hiss - masculine form of hairs Hubba - where sheeps dock amd boats sell Jems - little bugs that give you the flu Kah - what you drive around in Kebbijees - vegetable Keptown - some think parliament doesn't belong there Kettegry - in a system of classification Kipper - one who kips, as in goal kipper Kleenix - where nesses wek Kot - where the judges sit and you pay fines Len - to acquire knowledge Leeda - as in Arwa Leeda, Obama the president Lungwich - weds that are spokkin Nesses - they wek in kleenix and hospitals Pee pull - powa to da pee pull Peppa - one way to get the news Pesson - one of pee pull Pees - symbolised by white dove Pees-Tox - between IRA and Tony Blair Reeva - e.g. Limpopo, Vaal, Mississippi Ree kwest - replaced by dee mands Sheep - big boat Shex - houses in squatter camps Ship - provider of wool Shuck-attak - if the shuck-net is brokkin Shuck-nets - at Debben, for safety of sweemas Spitch - what politicians make at a relly Sweemas - compete in a sweeming pul Teksi - kah for hire - sometimes parrot teksi Thest - ice cold Coke will relieve it on a hot day Tipic ally - characteristically Tox - negotiations Ummy - military force Wee men - ladies We pon - a gun Wean-dow - with glus for throwing bricks through Weaner - the one with the most votes Weds - what the dictionary is made up of Wekkas - do the wek Weld - the whole eth Wems - small crawly creatures

2 In The Morning

I smoke two joints in the morning,
I smoke two joints at night.
I smoke two joints in the afternoon,
And it makes me feel alright.
Smoke two joints in time of peace,
Into the time of war.
Smoke two joints before I smoke two joints,
And then I smoke some more.....

American Pimp .... A Hughes Brothers Production

I've always had a guilty curiosity about the life of a pimp. Of course, we have those "pimp stereotypes" in films like "The Mack" and "Willie Dynamite." But do we really, really know ALL about this lucrative, though immoral, profession? Thanks to the Hughes Brothers, now we do.

First of all, this well-made documentary doesn't glorify the life of street pimps. I'm sure a lot of you out there (especially women) will take one look at a film like this, and say to yourself, "Why the hell do I want to watch a movie about greedy, heartless, misogynistic 'mack daddies' who make a living at degrading women for their own financial pleasure?" The Hughes Brothers don't try to take sides. In fact, the film opens with a montage of opinions (mostly negative) from everyday people about these pimps. Whether you condone the industry or condemn it, that's not the issue.

Allen and Albert Hughes do a wonderful job at intercutting the views and "days in the lives" of real pimps with clips from seventies blaxploitation flicks and topping it off with a vivid soundtrack filled with classic soul music. The film starts out by showing the more luxurious, darkly comic side of pimping. It's interesting to learn what real pimps really have to say. Of course, their vocabularies practically consist of three words: "ni**a," "motherf**ker" and "b**ch." But hey, that's how they talk. Am I going to blame the Hughes Brothers for writing an excessively profane script? They didn't write a script! This is how these pimps really talk!

As the film goes on, we learn the more serious side of pimping. We learn the pimping REALLY ain't easy. But at the same time, they're not completely heartless. When one of their "hos" die or get sucked into drug addiction, they can't go on with their lives like nothing happened. And it's interesting to see how different pimps took different paths. Some decided to quit the business and concentrate on raising their families, some ended up in the penitentiary and some (believe it or not) found religion. But some still feel that pimping is the way to go, and though it's immoral, they don't necessarily think it's wrong. We even get a brief introduction into the lives of "legal pimps." You know, those clean-cut white guys with the fancy whorehouses with quality hookers who will do anything they please for a large sum of money.

Expect to see gratuitous close-ups of female rear ends. At times, you feel as if you're watching a 2 Live Crew video. This is another film that I can consider a feminist's nightmare. Nevertheless, it's wonderfully done, eye-catching, compelling, funny and sometimes heartfelt. The Hughes meant to explore the subject without patronizing it. And I found it quite fascinating. If there happened to be a filmmaker who explored the world of pimping before these guys, then let me know. Until then, I give Allen and Albert two thumbs up for taking on daring subject matter involving an underworld of people often overlooked--or broadly portrayed--by the average filmmaker.

Six In The Morning

Men love strip clubs! If there is something I have learned in life, it's that there is no easier way to get a smile out of a man than by mentioning strip joints or strippers. We love to discuss whom we saw and what we did. It's a private world that men relish and women fear.

We come creeping into the house at 6:00am, quiet as a mouse, trying our best to remain inconspicuous. The last thing you want is a confrontation -- especially since you pumped a few beers into your system.

But no matter how quiet you thought you were being, on go the lights and there's your woman, staring at you as though she's expecting the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

"Where were you? You were at that strip bar with Dj Jesus, weren't you? I've always hated that stupid Neanderthal. So did you like all those breasts? How can you disrespect me like that?"

And now you have to spend the rest of the night assuring her that you were just having fun with the boys.

WHY IS SHE SO MAD?

So what is it about strip joints that tick women off so much? Well, for starters, let's place you in your woman's shoes and vice versa. If your woman went out to male strip joints with all her girlfriends and came home somewhat liquored up, wouldn't you have a tingly feeling more commonly known as jealousy rushing through your body? Wouldn't you wonder if she did some fondling, or how many penises were being waved in her face?

Besides that, some women begin feeling insecure because they figure that if you have a pair of breasts to fondle at home, then why would you need to go somewhere and ogle other women? I know, it's not like that, but hey, just because we're the most civilized species, that doesn't always mean things will make perfect sense.

Most women question their men’s need to go to a strip club. “Why do they want to look at other women? Am I not pretty enough?” Most men want to go because of the atmosphere. It is a mix of a dance club and sports bar with girls walking around in costumes. It is a different mix of atmospheres that you cannot find anywhere but a strip club. It is relaxed enough that you can sit back, talk with your friends, and still have music and entertainment. Some men do not even talk to or watch the strippers when they go. They sit and talk with each other and turn away any dancers that approach. I have seen it more times than I can count. You would also be surprised at the amount of couples that go to strip clubs.

Do what I did. Buy a pole!

Drunkard's Prayer

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be Thy drink, Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as I am in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever, Barmen.

Who Needs Surveillance Cameras?

Dear Neighbors

Yes It Was Me U Saw With The Beer n The Drumstick At 8.24am.